Premature Aging by Mail

Jesus Christ… ok so… I’m named after my father. His name is Alan. He’s 70. And we currently live in the same house. Apparently, despite the fact that MVP provides my insurance and therefore has my SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER and obviously my AGE on fucking record… AND the fact that I am the opposite gender…The […]

We’re ALL geeks, here!

The existence of ANY form of hierarchy of geeks/nerds/dorks (I’m tired of people trying to make them mean different things, they don’t, if they ever did they evolved and don’t now) is ridiculous. I’m gonna go a bit sideways and over serious about this but hear me out. I get really disgusted and lose massive […]

Best Thing Ever

Every summer when I was growing up I used to throw this huge party and id invite the whole school, and put out fliers and shit and they were awesome and the year i was 16 I had one of these parties and I invited this guy I liked he was from another school district […]

The Ice Storm

Originally written: March, 1991 It is one of the most frightening things I’ve ever done Walking out with my father to feed the growling generator gasoline Opeing the door is strangely new. The ice is like glass, its so crystal clear but there is a liquid quality to it, the way it covers EVERYthing… not […]

On Public Service Announcements

The problem with anti smoking Public Service Ads is that everybody who cares generally already knows that stuff. There are three kinds of people who will see these commercials: 1- Those that care, and already don’t smoke: its pointless to show them the ad, because its not an issue for them. 2- Those that smoke […]

Unusual Slang: A Cautionary Tale

One should take care to be certain one understands the meaning of any “slang” term before putting it to use… My grandmother on my father’s side , when something surprised her, would always say “I’ll be jiggered!” And I just love that… I keep meaning to make it part of my active vocabulary but haven’t…  […]

#####PLEASE READ######

This is a dangerous, volatile, unstable time to be alive for many of us. I want to make it known to any and all who see this: If you need help, I am here and I will do whatever is needed, to the best of my abilities, to make sure you stay safe and reasonably […]