Best Thing Ever

Every summer when I was growing up I used to throw this huge party

and id invite the whole school, and put out fliers and shit

and they were awesome

and the year i was 16 I had one of these parties

and I invited this guy I liked

he was from another school district and didn’t know anybody there but me and I thought for sure that’d give me a chance to get with him

but for some reason he latched on to [my friend] instead

and [she], not realizing that I liked him, was all over him

so its nighttime down, and they are over by the bonfire making out

and I am sitting on my swing set, sobbing

and my big brother comes over.

And he says “what’s wrong?”

and I blubber out “[friend]…boy I like.making out…wahhhhhhh”

and he looks at me for a minute.

And then he says “you want me to turn the hose on them?”

and because I’m sixteen, and because my feeling are hurt, and because i don’t really believe he’ll do it I say “yes!!!”

but my brother…he loved me so much…he would do anything for me

regardless of possible consequences

and wouldn’t you know.he went and got the garden hose and dragged it over to the bonfire.and in the middle of making out, [my friend] and stupid boy got fucking soaked


And that’s what I miss most about my brother

that he would do ANYTHING for me.

He was fucking crazy for it…

But you always knew you could count on him.


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