Pug Wild, or; I didn’t want to love you…

Oh, hey, have I forced my (relatively new) pug obsession on you guys yet? No? Allow me to remedy this error…

Ok so, you may have noticed my whole “I really like animals” thing…

But, I do prefer some animals more than others, and when it comes to dogs, I’m a BIG DOG kinda gal… Little dogs are meh. Some individual ones are super cool, but if I’m looking for a dog for ME… They aren’t even really considered.

And pugs, in particular, are… Weird. And pug PEOPLE are weird…

If someone had suggested to me a year and a half ago that I might benefit from becoming a “pug mom”, I would have had them committed.


My boyfriend’s parents had a pug. And they decided to move (from here in upstate NewYork) to Florida. And the pug is 13 years old, and his health isn’t fantastic, and they come to the conclusion that it would be wrong to put him through the stress of long distance travel in that condition…

So…pug needs a place, or he’ll be put in a shelter. And, realistically, what are the chances of somebody actually adopting and paying money for an elderly, unhealthy pug who may not even be around much longer? And…while they aren’t my favorite, he’s still a dog, and no way can I let that happen when it’s so easy for me to just take him, instead.

Now, my boyfriend’s parents weren’t moving PERMANENTLY, and ORIGINALLY we agreed to have him for a few months, just until they came back. So, cool, whatever, foster dog, no problem.

But…my boyfriend, well…. he kinda isn’t sure I’m even gonna LIKE the thing… And he starts, like…warning me…

Telling me about how this dogs right eye got a SEVERE infection, once, and swelled horribly and even though it’s not infected now, it sort of got weird when it shrunk back down, cuz eyes aren’t really supposed to STRETCH, and if they DO, they can’t really UNstretch, so now that eyeball is sort of…wrinkled and dented?.. And it doesn’t work at all, he’s totally blind on that side….

And how he has this…weirdly crooked jaw, maybe from an injury as a tiny puppy, or a birth defect, but….the left side droops way down, so he can’t really keep his tongue inside his mouth…. And it’s been that way for so long that gravity has sort of… ELONGATED said tongue… Until, at this point, it’s just STUPID long, and drags on the floor, and collects dust and bits of stuff the vacuum missed, and is just generally disgusting.

And how he has this weird compulsion about licking and he spends 90% of his waking hours licking and licking and licking his left front paw… to the point where that paw has now turned a completely different color than the rest of his fur.

So I’m like…okkkaayyy, well…. It’s just a few months, and even if he disgusts me I’m not gonna HATE him, it’s the right thing to do, yadda yadda yadda, whatevs, it’ll be fine.

So, the day comes, and we go pick up this friggin pug, that they call Bandit.

And I hold him on the way home, so my boyfriend can drive…. and I might not have entirely realized it THEN…. But by the time we got home, it was all over for me… This stupid, ridiculous, old ass MESS of a dog-I-didn’t-want had turned me IRREVOCABLY into one of those weird pug people. I was fucked from day one.

Sooo… Cut to three weeks later…

Not only am I now completely wrapped around this pug’s pinky toe nail… But from all appearances and indications… HE is completely and totally, obsessively, in love with ME, as well… To an extent that sort of blew my boyfriend’s whole familys’ minds… but I’m supposed to give him BACK…

By then, I’d already changed the dogs NAME… Shit, I’d made him HIS OWN FACEBOOK PAGE…

So my boyfriend’s brother and I conspired…and plotting began…   because there was just NO WAY I was giving up my sweet Bandito Burrito de la Lengua. NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN.

That said, I REALLY wanted to avoid making my future in-laws DESPISE me for the rest of eternity…

SO, long story short (ha.. I’m funny) about a week later we’d successfully manipulated my boyfriend’s parents into thinking it was THEIR idea that Bandito stay with me and ASKING ME to keep him. (Because if I wasn’t lazy, irresponsible and unmotivated, I could SO take over the world, just saying…) And my un-asked-for, un-expected new forever fur baby and I have been inseparable ever since.

And I’ve realized and accepted, now, that when the inevitable happens and my pugly butt crosses the rainbow bridge… Imma have to get another pug…

Cuz…now…I can’t really imagine ever being happy or comfortable if there isn’t a stupid, bug eyed little creature making weird snorty sounds as I fall asleep… or staring intently into my face while I pee… or greeting me at the door, every single time I come home, with howls of joy and a face full of pug sneeze.


I didn’t see it coming, I tried to fight it… But I am a crazy Pug Person, and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Bandito, thanks for filling up the pug-shaped hole in my life that I didn’t even know was there. Mama loves you stupid much…you ridiculous pile of uglycute.


If you want to see more of Bandito, you can find his FaceBook page HERE

You can also find him on Instagram @banditoburritopug

*shameless pug promotion*


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