You are NOT in charge….

Friend: My cat is weird

Me: So….youre saying….you have a cat. …

Friend: When she gets in my lap in my armchair she always has to get up on the left arm, jump to the back, walk across, jump down to the right arm, and then step into my lap

Me:  Ok….yeah….sounds cat like…

There is a proccess to these things, dont you know???

Like Fuzzball… i cant ever just pet her

First i must call to her, and then wait until she deigns to acknowledge me

Then i must extend my hand near her face, but no closer than five inches from her face

And i must be very still until she decides to sniff my hand. I must NOT MOVE during said sniffing.

When she has THOROUGHLY FINISHED inspecting my hand, she will press her head against my fingers

Then and ONLY THEN may i commense to pet her head and ONLY HER HEAD

Any violation of this proceedure will resort in complete abortion of all possible petting, and possibly incite biting.

Friend: Aww

Me: Such is life with cats

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